I don't know what hit me, but last night I was in the WORST.MOOD.EVER. I came home from work and was totally exhausted, for no apparent reason. Then, I forgot that I had promised the fam that I would make my famous mushroom and cheddar omelettes. I was grumpy while cooking and then announced to everyone that I wouldn't be doing the dishes.
Logged on to the computer, checked my work email and discovered that there are 2 postings for a position I have wanted since I started teaching. Shit. Shit. Shitty. Last June, I applied for one of these positions and lost out but my Superintendent had a de-briefing meeting with me to tell me that it was really, really close and that if the position were to come up again, that I should re-apply. Well here we.
I've had the year to reflect on this position and told myself a million times that I don't want that job. I want to have a baby. I have my entire career to look for promotions and that job would have been too demanding with small children at home. My current position got extended two more years and I'm in a good spot with my schools and life in general. I am moving at the end of the summer to my brand new house next to my parents. I will hopefully be pregnant. There, you see? Those are all the reasons why I don't/can't have that other job. So...why do I feel sad about it?
After my lupron injection last night, I was wishing that along with the lupron I could take a pill to make me happy again. If they can create drugs that make us ovulate like re-productive machines from some fantastical futuristic science fiction novel, how come they can't add a little happy to the drugs?
Did lupron make anyone else grumpy or is it just me??? Is it the lupron, or is it the job situation or a combination of both? I am sending a positive re-affirmation to the universe today.
It is this: I am grateful for all that I have and am ready to have another child.
I will say this thirty times to get myself on a happy frequency. Any help/support would be appreciated!
Quads turn 2!
6 years ago
Ugh- Lupron was the worst for me. I was so grumpy/crabby/bitchy while on it. It will get better though, just keep chanting to yourself that it's for a good cause!!
ReplyDeleteI am not on Lupron but my follistim and repronex are making me feel the same way. Hang in there! And HUGS!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not even on Lupron and I have moments just like that. I always step back, look around, and regroup. Everything just feels like it hits at the same time. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteUgh, all of this is hard enough without having drugs mess with your emotions. It's adding insult to injury. I'm sorry that you're feeling down and hope today was better. I TOTALLY relate to the job situation. When I was in the midst of fertility treatments I was helping to hire teachers for my dream job when I really just wanted to be hired myself. Just another sacrifice we make for our little ones. Hang in there!
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