Busy but Good

Things have been crazy for us. Tom had to move classrooms this year so we have been busy setting up his room. It takes so much time. We saw quite a few colleagues today and although it's hard being back at school because of all the questions about Chris, it feels good knowing that we will be going back to work.

Other than the class, we have been busy getting ready to take possession of the new house this Thursday! Yahoo! My Dad flies back from BC on Wednesday night - I'm giddy as I am typing this - I can't wait to see him! He will be settling into our place as he waits for my mom to return on the 14th of September and they will be with us until they get their house next door to us on October 6th.

As for my babies: my belly is growing!!! Still haven't felt the twins move yet but I hope to soon! I am now 18 weeks 2 days pregnant. Basically half-way there! I find I get tired pretty fast and I can't see my ankles - my feet are starting to swell which happened with my son, too. Can't wait to see the Dr on the 7th to make sure everything is ok with them!

I have to sign off as I am about to watch my new guilty pleasure - Bachelor Pad...

I promise to post pics soon...God Bless...

Drawing Strength

The last time I posted was around the time of Chris's 40 day memorial. It was very difficult for us all to get through but somehow we made it. There was a large crowd of family and friends who came and paid their respects and then we went out for lunch. As difficult as it was, I found the 40 day service very therapeutic.

Diane is now seeing a grief therapist and she's shared some of the things he has explained to her. When my mother returns from Vancouver, we will also start to see a grief therapist to help us make sense of the senseless. Some things that have been helpful for me are thinking about the difference between guilt and regret and knowing that the shock of Chris's death has sent us all into trauma, and that trauma and grief are also two very different things.

We now have nine days until the closing of our new house. I am very excited to move in and get my house set up to feel settled. I just can't wait to sleep in my own bed, in my own room, in my own house!!! My in-laws have been great, but there's no place like your own house!

Today I am taking Stathis to the Toronto Island with my best friend and her two little ones. They have little rides for them. It's really nice because the rides are designed for toddlers and little ones. I am also going to see an old friend from high school on Thursday who was close to both Chris and I so I am looking forward to that!

As for pregnancy, I promised myself with this pregnancy that I would document more and take pictures of my belly, etc. With Chris's death, I haven't really been thinking about the pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am taking my vitamins, eating well and making sure I sleep, but it just hasn't been in the foreground of my thoughts.

So here is the pregancy update:

I am now 17 weeks and 3 days pregant with the twins!

I haven't gained any weight yet, in fact at my last check -up I was 2 pounds down. Between the naseua and Chris's death I had to force myself to eat. Now, the naseua is gone, but when I eat, I can't eat much as my stomach is pushed higher. So, I am trying to eat smaller, more frequent meals during the day. I have to wear maternity or yoga pants at all times. Every time I run my hands through my hair, some of it comes out. Don't get me wrong, I still have a head full of dark, long hair but I still am losing it! I haven't felt the babies yet, but occasionally I have a small, jumpy feeling that could be the babes or just indegestion.

All in all, I feel pretty good. I promise to post a pic soon!

40 day memorial...

It's been over a month since my wonderful brother passed away suddenly. It seems like it was just yesterday at times and at other times it feels like it's been forever. I am having a hard time adjusting to the fact that I will never hear his voice or see his beautiful eyes and smile again.

Tomorrow we are having a traditional 40 day memorial service for him in the Greek Church. Greek's have 40 day memorials because we believe that Christ stayed on Earth for 40 days after he was resurrected before he went to join God in the Kingdom of Heaven. So, we will pray for Chris to have a safe journey to Heaven. After the service we will serve koliva, which is boiled wheat mixed with berries and sweets, to symbolize the cycle of life, go the cemetery and then out for lunch.

My parents have joined my brother Tony and his family in Vancouver as we wait for our houses to be completed. Diane (Chris's wife) and I are here and trying to get through the days as best as we can. This is the hardest thing we have ever gone through. I find it so hard to find joy in anything, like I feel guilty. Does that make sense?

My husband and some friends took me away to Niagara Falls for 3 days to a water park and it was good to get away, I did have fun. I know I will never be the same person that I was before this happened...

On Wednesday I went to my obstetrician for my check-up. I am now almost 16 weeks pregnant with the twins and I got to hear both of their heart-beats, which was such a relief. My next appointment and ultra sound are booked for September 7th - that is when we will find out the genders of the babies. I can't wait for that!

We will be busy the next few weeks as we get possession of our house on August 25th, school starts September 1st and then we will be ramping up for the arrival of the twins. At least God gave me some stuff to keep busy with...

I hope you are all doing well and although I haven't commented, I have been reading all of your blogs faithfully...

God Bless...