Drawing Strength

The last time I posted was around the time of Chris's 40 day memorial. It was very difficult for us all to get through but somehow we made it. There was a large crowd of family and friends who came and paid their respects and then we went out for lunch. As difficult as it was, I found the 40 day service very therapeutic.

Diane is now seeing a grief therapist and she's shared some of the things he has explained to her. When my mother returns from Vancouver, we will also start to see a grief therapist to help us make sense of the senseless. Some things that have been helpful for me are thinking about the difference between guilt and regret and knowing that the shock of Chris's death has sent us all into trauma, and that trauma and grief are also two very different things.

We now have nine days until the closing of our new house. I am very excited to move in and get my house set up to feel settled. I just can't wait to sleep in my own bed, in my own room, in my own house!!! My in-laws have been great, but there's no place like your own house!

Today I am taking Stathis to the Toronto Island with my best friend and her two little ones. They have little rides for them. It's really nice because the rides are designed for toddlers and little ones. I am also going to see an old friend from high school on Thursday who was close to both Chris and I so I am looking forward to that!

As for pregnancy, I promised myself with this pregnancy that I would document more and take pictures of my belly, etc. With Chris's death, I haven't really been thinking about the pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am taking my vitamins, eating well and making sure I sleep, but it just hasn't been in the foreground of my thoughts.

So here is the pregancy update:

I am now 17 weeks and 3 days pregant with the twins!

I haven't gained any weight yet, in fact at my last check -up I was 2 pounds down. Between the naseua and Chris's death I had to force myself to eat. Now, the naseua is gone, but when I eat, I can't eat much as my stomach is pushed higher. So, I am trying to eat smaller, more frequent meals during the day. I have to wear maternity or yoga pants at all times. Every time I run my hands through my hair, some of it comes out. Don't get me wrong, I still have a head full of dark, long hair but I still am losing it! I haven't felt the babies yet, but occasionally I have a small, jumpy feeling that could be the babes or just indegestion.

All in all, I feel pretty good. I promise to post a pic soon!