ICLW is over. To be honest, this was only my third time participating, and I was hesitant to join. I found the first two times that it took everything out of me, and I couldn't keep up.
Confession alert: As I suffer from secondary if, I always wonder if those of you still working on TTC #1 see me as a selfish cow for wanting #2. But this time, I decided that I would throw caution to the wind and join. And I am so glad I did.
I found so many amazing women this month who are nothing short of miracles themselves. Women who laugh, love, who cry, who have suffered to the point where I find myself questioning how the God I know and love would allow this to happen. Women who have celebrated, women who should be celebrating, but can't, because infertility has scarred them so deeply.
I want to thank everyone who stopped by my blog and commented. I even got some new followers, which makes me feel loved! I am following all of you, too! This month's ICLW made me realize that life isn't about what you don't have. It's about living in the moments we do have. I find because of all your strength and stories, I was a better wife, friend, daughter, sister, teacher, person and yes - mother - this week.
I know this may be hard for some of you to read but ICLW really made me look at the child that I do have and focus. It seems I have been wanting for so long to complete our family that I find my mind wandering when I am with little dude. This last week, it was as if you were all with me and telling me to stop and to focus on him. He's just a little dude, only four and a a half, and he is growing up too fast. I am very grateful that he is a healthy and happy little dude. He makes us laugh daily, and I don't spend enough time savouring those moments.
As we proceed with IVF # 1, I want to be as realistic as possible. I am 36. Am I too old? Maybe it won't work. Maybe I should just stop and not want to have another child. But I do. I know that IVF has brought some of you your miracle, and for some of you, it hasn't. But I will try it with a positive attitude and hope for the best.
My first Lupron injection is Friday. Here we go...
Quads turn 2!
6 years ago
Thanks for stopping by my blog during ICLW. I understand your worries about age. I am a couple of years older than you are and feel that I am down to the last few grains of sand in my fertility hour glass! And as another suffering from secondary infertility, I definitely do NOT think you are selfish! Hope that we are both blessed in the coming months!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a good iclw. I missed it this month.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about "wanting" that you sometimes dont enjoy what you have. I have been working on this alot lately and enjoying my time with ds.
Good luck with your first injection!! The first was the scariest for me but it gets easier as you go.
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